I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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