Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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