genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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