the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
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it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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