porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
