Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
