4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
