a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
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I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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