I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize