he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
