how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
