i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
