I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.