I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.