When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
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If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
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I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange