I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
