i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
