You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
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I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
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Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize