Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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