Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
