How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
