With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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