I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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