I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is the high leading the old right now
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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