just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize