I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
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yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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