Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
