Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
