I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My pussy is not your playground.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
