Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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