Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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