So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
