i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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