you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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