I think my fart just growled at me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
