Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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