nut hugger
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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