Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
