Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
