See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
