I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize