There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
