Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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