Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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