You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
