Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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