i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
