We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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