oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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