you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
