you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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