we have pet lesbian snakes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
