just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I love you. Go after that dick
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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