you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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