i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
