i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
