Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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