Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
