He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
