i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
