hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
