READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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