My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
