I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
