mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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