Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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